St. Arbucks Chapel – 21 May , 2025
As we approach Memorial Day, I want to share something with you, I received from Dianne Rapp, a Chapel Hiller. This is a piece by Gwen Flowers, who wrote a reflection titled, “Grief.”
I know you want to say something. Anything.
But above all, please, don’t tell her how to grieve.
When she cries, don’t try to quell her tears. She’s not drowning in them. She’s swimming through thoughts of the love they shared.
When she talks of them, don’t try to change the subject because you think it’s too painful. It’s more painful to bury the memories.
And as the days pass, please don’t ask her to move on. She’s not stuck. They are a part of her, and she’s a part of them. Death could not undo that. Time will not undo that.
The tears will stop flowing and may not return again until tomorrow, or in a month, or in 20 years. But someday, they will come again because the love they shared will stay with her for Always.
There’s nothing you can say, nothing you can tell her, that will change that.
So please, don’t tell her how to grieve.
Just hold her hand. Listen to her stories. And walk beside her through the sorrow.
I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was a sad time, that followed the death of someone you love. And you had to push through it to get to the other side. But, I am learning, there is no pushing through, but rather there is absorption. Adjustment. Acceptance. And grief is not something you complete, but rather something you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish, and move on, but an element of yourself – an alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new dimension of self.